Fixing Commom Problems
by Checkstand Five
Summary: Three different short little stories about Blaine and Kurt :


_Kurt and Blaine have a sleepover._

Blaine: I wish you would put out

Kurt: NO!

*Blaine calls Karofsky to come over*

Karofsky: Hey Kurt Blaine's been telling me you won't put out for him so maybe I could-

Kurt: NO! *Thows teddy bear at Karofsky and it causes him to have a seizure*

Blaine: Oh! My true love!

Kurt: What?

*Blaine fucks dead body and gets a disease and dies*

Burt: Oh no!

*Burt and Kurt cuddle then Burt goes to see Carole*

*Carole rapes Burt so Burt goes to Finn*

Burt: I'm going to make up for what your mother did!

*Burt Rapes Finn*

Burt: Ahh even tighter then Kurt Finn: EWWWW!

*Burt leaves*

Burt: Oh, hey Kurt... want to play hide and seek?

Kurt: Ok!

*Kurt hides under the bed*

*Burt creepily and slowly looks under then bed*

Burt: Found you.

Kurt: Aww.

Burt: Go on the bed and count to 10 *Kurt goes on the bed and begins counting*

Kurt:1, 2, 3-

*Burt rapes Kurt*

Burt: Ehhh Finn was Better.

Kurt: EWWWW!

(Later)

*Kurt is humming a song.*

Burt: You sing better then, insert female singer here,

Kurt: Rachel?

Burt: Sensho?

Kurt: RACHEL Burt: OH.

*Burt rapes Carole*

Finn: OMG MOM!

*Carole tries to rape Finn*

Burt: RUN FINN!

*Carole rapes Finn*

*Finn and Burt run away from her and hide in a room*

*Carole enters the room*

Carole: Hey, Finn *Carole reaches out to touch his shoulder but he flinches away*

Carole: You have a bad dream? You should stop playing all those video games.

Finn: You should stop watching porn!

Carole: Not if it's with my sons!

Burt: HEY, EWW!

*Carole hands Finn a sandwich*

Carole: Eat that sandwich.

*Finn smacks Carole*

Finn: Do not tell me what to do, woman!

Carole: Do not hit me or I will shove that sandwich up your ass, then I will shove Burt's dick up your ass! Then I will record it and put it on porntube!

Finn: PORNTUBE ISN'T REAL!

Burt: It is actually Finn: Oh. Really?

Carole: Yeah it is but not like I'd know...

(Next Day)

*Carole, Finn and Kurt go to FredMeyers*

*Kurt is sitting in the shopping cart as Carole pushes him and Finn just walks by the side*

Finn: Let's steal stuff!

*Finn and Kurt get free cookies*

*Finn looks at Kurt*

Finn: Hey baby *Finn winks at Kurt and Kurt just looks at him odd*

Finn: I think it's weird that you're gay!

Carole: I WILL SPANK YOU! I WILL SPANK YOU SO HARD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE. I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE THIS WAY.

Finn: Well you didn't raise him to be a faggot!

*Finn attemps to run off but Carole grabs his skirt and pulls him over her knee and spanks him infront of alot of people*

Carole: You do not make fun of your brother for his sexual orientation!

(Later)

Carole: Does your dick hang low, does it wobble to the flo, do it feel real good when you stick it in a ho.

Finn: Does your dick hang low, does it wobble to the flo, do it feel real good when you stick it in a ho! Does your dick hang low, does it wobble to the flo, do it feel real good when you stick it in a ho.

Kurt: DAMMIT CAROLE YOU GOT THAT SONG STUCK IN HIS HEAD AND HE WON'T STOP SINGING IT!

Carole: Sorry...

*Finn begins so sing the song 'I'm not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you' to Kurt*

Finn: You are the girll, that I've been dreamin' off, Kurt: Finn, I am a boy. I may be gay but I'm still a guy.

(later)

Kurt: Hi eeth Finn: Hi teeth?

Kurt: Hi nose.

Finn: Hi eyeball

Kurt: Hi ears

Finn: Hi... um... lips

Kurt: Hi head

Finn: Hi.. legs!

Kurt: Hi feet

Finn: Hi toes

Kurt: Hi fingers

Finn: Hi chest

Kurt: Hi elbow

Finn: Hi arms

Kurt: Hi arm pits

Finn: Hi finger nails

Kurt: Hi toenails

Finn: Hi wrist

Kurt: Hi thighs

Finn: Hi hips

Kurt: Hi nipples

Finn: Hi tounge

Kurt: Hi ankle

Finn: Hi hand

Kurt: Hi knee

Finn: Hi stomach

Kurt: Hi ribs

Finn: Hi... butt

Kurt: Hi neck

Finn: Hi shoulders

Kurt: Hi penis

Finn: ...

(later)

Finn: OH okay I got it! All the dudes in Glee will have a big orgy, Artie is the bottom, Puck is the top and Mike is in the middle!

Kurt: You do realise that by 'all the guys in Glee' includes you and me, right?

Finn: ...

(Next Day)

*Blaine, Kurt and Karofsky all have a sleepover in Kurt's room*

*Blaine rapes Kurt*

Kurt: Stop nooo! Help!

*Karofsky pulls Blaine off of Kurt, then rapes Blaine*

Kurt: NOOO, BLAINE!

*Kurt attempts to stop Karofsky but Karofsky hits Kurt in the stomach, and he dies*

Karofsky: NO KURT!

Finn: NO MY BROTHER!

Blaine: NO MY BORFRIEND!

*Finn and Blaine murder Karofsky*

(Next day)

*Everyone is at school, Karofsky and Azimio have Mercedes cornered*

Azimio: Hey Mercedes.

Mercedes: Hey Karofsky and Azimio.

*Azimio makes out with Mercedes*

Azimio: Ohh... Sam Mercedes: WHAt! Nigga, you gay!

(Later)

Kurt: Hey Mercedes, why are you sad?

Mercedes: Azimio is gay Kurt: He is? I'm gonna go hit on him.

(Later)

Kurt: he said he's not gay Mercedes: i'm sure he did...

(Later)

Karofsky: I'm gonna kill myself...

Kurt: Why?

Karofsky: Because Azimio doesn't love me...

Kurt: I love you!

Karofsky: Really?

Kurt: yes really!

(Later)

Karofsky: Help! I'm dying cause I'm in the sun!

Kurt: You're a vampire?

Karofsky: Yes.

(Later)

Blaine: KURT? WHAT'S WRONG?

Kurt: I'm dying cause I'm in the sun!

Blaine: Oh no! Why?

Kurt: Because I was raped, and turned into a vampire!

Blaine: Oh no! By who?

Kurt: Mr Shuester!

Blaine: I'm so sorry!

* * *

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>(Viagra is for erectile dysfunction (ED) by prescrition only. Viagra does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases including HIV)<p> 


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